Wednesday, September 25, 2013

9 25 13 Quick Update


Update

Posted  by Mark Ghiassi
Thank you everyone for responding. We are keeping this website up through December but I will be updating on my blog at:      http://mdglessons.blogspot.com. 
For those of you you would like to keep getting the updates, you submit your email to the blog and it will update you. 
That way if someone wants to donate they can still do so by reading the update when they want too. 
Update:
  • We changed to PPO.
  • I am going to get my next MRI set up with Dr. Kelly.
  • Repeat labwork in middle of October.
  • Physically, I am having good and bad days. Of course I am progressing, it's just really slow. 
  • Everything will cost a little more now because of PPO.
  • I am working at least 5 to 10 hours a week from home at night but there are days when I literally can not sit at the computer because my muscles are so weak.
  • Disability is not approved yet. I did receive a call from Department of Health in San Francisco; My letter that I wrote to Obama was sent to that department. The man I spoke with is going to look into funding for medicine or any other things that might help us.  At least my letter went somewhere.
Like I said before, my energy really can be analogized to  a car filled with gasoline and when I run out I am totally wiped out. This has been quite a struggle the last two weeks. Learning what my limitations are. When I am having a really good day I want to do everything. I had to take extra cortisol this last weekend because I overdid it and started to get nauseous and a headache, signs of adrenal insufficiency.
I will update you again. Please forward this website still to help us, thanks

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

PART 13: HMO V. PPO


9/11/13 Update
Posted September 11th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

HMO V. PPO
We have to decide this month to choose HMO v. PPO.
Last year around this same time, we had to make the same decision. We chose HMO because both Mark and I thought I was in “recovery” and we did not understand how Cushing’s affected my whole body.
Three months after our first surgery, we trusted all our Doctors advice and chose HMO believing the Cushing’s was gone, resulting in out of pocket costs of over $40,000.00. Emotional stress and time expended on appeals to the Department of Health. There is no price to place on what was lost.
As you know, the first surgery failed, and now oddly enough, my second brain surgery was three months ago, and we are faced with the challenge of making the same choice.
 The answer is simple: Change to PPO.
 The problem: the cost

POSITIVES:
  •          The monthly cost of the PPO is the same as the HMO. 
  •          We will not be stuck in a specific IPA group with doctors who are not specialized or who don’t believe in my disease. 
  •          There is a doctor at UCLA, an endocrinologist that Mark and I saw at the Cushing’s convention. He is in the blueshield network (preferred). He would not have performed the surgery. We want to make an appointment with him so we can get an expert endocrinologist in Cushings who can evaluate my progress to see if my local doctor is on the right track. 
  •          The only other expert is out of network but in Los Angeles as well. However he does not take insurance and would be more expensive.   Many of the other Cushing’s patients have used him and have positive results.

 If we had the HMO, we would have to prove there was no other doctor in our group that qualifies in order to get a referral to him. The plan could choose not to authorize this. The plan does not understand my disease and I am tired of fighting every step. It appears that a lot of specialists are starting to step away from being providers for some reason and doing cash based only.

NEGATIVES:
  •          COSTS: Our co pays will increase for both my primary doctor and specialist.
  •          We will have a deductible that we have to meet before the PPO starts paying. There is a yearly cap on what we will pay if we choose preferred physicians.
  •          If we choose a non preferred provider (ex. My second surgeon Dr. Kelly is out of network). The PPO could authorize some payment but there is no cap to what we would pay. However, at least some of it would be paid unlike this second surgery. DEFINITELY IMPORTANT.
  •          The cost of labs and testing will not be covered as much as with the HMO. Currently I do not have to pay for labwork, the HMO covers it. Of course this did not stop the HMO from sending me bills this last year and me having to argue every step of the way.


The bottom line: the benefit of the PPO to be able to go to doctors of our choice outweighs any other aspect.  The best chance of recovery is to make sure I am treated by doctors who know how to treat me. This year we are going to try PPO and see what happens.  Remember I am only three months out of surgery, it was about six months in when the doctors finally confirmed the tumor was not removed and three months later (wasted time on appeals) that I had the second surgery.
 Please continue to forward our website to anyone who may help. This is going to be a long long road for us. Disability is still pending. I am trying to do my book keeping but I am managing six hours a week.  They have not weaned me off the cortisol, this will take over a year to do. Every time I decrease I will become exhausted and suffer withdrawal again.  There is also no guarantee that my adrenals are working correctly due to the Cushings’ tumor.
Everyone knows I am not a negative person but I have to state the reality of what is going on here medically. The less stress I have over the next year the better the chance for recovery and remission. 
When we end this page, if anyone wants updates,please send us a response by email to mdghiassi@gmail.com. I thing I am going to create a blog so anyone who wants to check in on us can. We are trying to create a list as to who wants updates so we don't bother everyone. Thanks for all your support.
Love Michelle

PART 12: PROGRESS AUGUST 12, 2013


PROGRESS
Posted August 12th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

Progress since I last updated:
         The new medication seems to be working\, way less pain and fatigue.
         We went to the Orange County Fair with my family. We brought the wheelchair and I walked when I was not tired. Two weeks ago, I could not do this. 
         I drove my car last week for the first time, just to the local store and bank, but it was nice to do this on my own.
         I started doing my bookkeeping, just a couple hours nothing too stressful.
         I have been in the pool with my nieces and we had a blast. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. 
         My doctor said it was the first time he had seen me happy in a long time.
         Our friends did two fundraisers for us and raised over a thousand dollars.
         Some of our friends have sent us checks to add to our medical expenses.
         So we have funraised a little over $16,000.00.
         I have paid some of the medical bills. This has helped our stress a lot and has allowed me to focus on recovery. Disability is still pending.
         AND THE REASON FOR ALL OF YOU DOING THIS, I FELT LIKE MYSELF THIS WEEK. This is the most difficult feeling to explain, but trust me it is way positive.
I just wanted to share all of the positive progress I am making and what I was fighting for again. I posted new pictures. I try to do a little each day. My next appointment is at the end of the month. They say not to expect to loose weight until about 3 or 4 months in. I am doing my best to maintain being as active without hurting or exhausting myself. 
Once again, thank you for all of your support. I decided to keep this page at least through October because we will have our first MRI results by that time. 

PART 11: JULY 30, 2013 UPDATE


RECENT TESTS AND MANAGEMENT
Posted July 30th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

MANAGEMENT OF CUSHINGS
We got the results of my labwork yesterday. We spoke with the endocrinologist about "recovery" and what has happened over the last month.  
The management of the pituitary gland and all of the hormones it can affect is a complex process. This month, we tested my thyroid gland, and it appears I have hypothyroidism now. So I am now starting a daily medicine for that. This is fixable with medication that you have to be on the rest of your life. As I mentioned I felt like a 90 year old person trying to walk, my doctor said this is a common feeling when people have hypothyroidism. It will take about a month for this medicine to start working.
We checked my cortisol and ACTH. They are both as low as when I left the hospital. So a good sign as far as surgery being successful as far as removal of tumor. This makes me feel good. This also shows that my pituitary gland is has not "woken" up yet. So to speak.
The doctor explained to us that the next year will be about changing my dose of cortisol depending on different results. So since the thryoid is not working, we are actually raising my dose of cortisol until we test again. The doctor said I should be able to function.The bone and joint pain is from this as well and we hope that will get better.
The doctor told Mark and I that the goal is to get me to a level with the cortisol that allows me to function normally and then gradually taper the medicine down as we test monthly to see if the pituitary is working. He explained to us that it may never work as well, and I would then remain on cortisol for the rest of my life but it is too early to tell but he wanted us to be prepared for this possibility.
REALITY ABOUT WORKING
In the meantime, he explained that most people with high stress jobs have a difficult time returning to the job, he gave examples of a doctor, or CEO of a company, etc. The reason why it is difficult is because if you are living off of medication only and are in a stressful job you would have to "stress" dose, meaning give yourself extra cortisol during times of stress.
For example, right now if I had to have dental work, this would be considered a stressful situation, and I would have to take at least three times the amount of cortisol.
So I asked him what he thought about me returning to my line of work. He had forgotten what I did. I told him I was an attorney. Mark butted in and said she was a litigation attorney and was in court all the time. :) The doctor said it would be really difficult because of the stress as mentioned above with how it is a balance of the right cortisol.
I don't know how I feel about this right now. I believe it is too early to make any decisions. But it is scary thinking abut the future. This is why disability is important for me to obtain. We honestly do not know what type of work I will be able to do, And what type of management I will need to do.
Even though it is difficult giving up a career you have worked half your life for, it is not worth staying in that career if you will always be sick or suffering from trying to maintain your life while doing it. Plus the recurrence rate is high in people who have these high stress jobs.
OTHER GLAND ISSUES
I have been Vitamin D deficient since Cushing's and am on the highest dose that a physician is allowed to prescribe. So I will remain on that. Cortisol affects Vitamin D absorption.
The thyroid can cause high cholesterol and some anemia issues as well. I have not had to go on cholesterol medication but it does explain why it was getting higher. As far as the anemia issue, we have not received those results yet this week.  Most of you you know that I was anemic, had infusions, and now my red blood cell count is too high.
WHY I AM SHARING THESE DETAILS
I wanted to be able to explain why this recovery or management process was long. A lot of people keep thinking that after the surgery I should be "miraculously" better. I think it is because we do not understand how complex this disease is, the affects of the disease on the body, the time it takes to diagnose potential problems, and the treatment of the medical problems that the disease created.
So this first time I wanted to bore you all with the details to explains the challenges we will face this next year. Not only regarding health but about career, etc. 
Once again, I am very thankful for everyone's support. The longer we would have waited for surgery the more difficult any recovery would be or more damage to me physically. 
I promise not to bore you with thousands of updates but will make updates when they are important about how I am doing. We are going to keep this website up until October 1, 2013.  
Any help is appreciated. Thanks again
Sincerely,
Michelle Ghiassi 

PART 10: ONE MONTH POST OP


ONE MONTH AGO-CAN YOU BELIEVE IT
Posted July 27th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

CAN YOU BELIEVE SURGERY WAS ONE MONTH AGO
The last couple weeks have been really difficult.  I have not had enough energy to update everyone. Sitting here tonight I realized it had been exactly one month, I made it this far.
The last week I have not been able to walk well.  All of my bones and joints have been hurting. I can actually feel the bones on the bottom of my feet hurt. I was doing better when I last wrote and was walking around a lot more. Mark was pushing me in the wheelchair around the block. This week I have slept most of the day on and off and after standing for about five to ten minutes I am in pain. 
The doctors said I can compare recovery to being ran over by a car and withdrawing from drugs. I have not had either experience except from what I hear and see on tv and from people.lol. My muscles are so weak that once again, I can not lift anything more than ten pounds without getting fatigued. 
I managed to go out of the house to a family event last weekend. I over did it. I do believe this is recovery.
We go to the endocrinologist on Monday so I will know more about my cortisol level and will be able to update everyone.
DISABILITY UPDATE
Today, I received correspondence from Barbara Boxer's office. Remember I tried to get media attention and write various people for help. Well, the letter was a copy of correspondence sent on my behalf to Social Security Disability asking for an expedited review and for correspondence to got to Ms. Boxer's office. I was very surprised. Even if nothing comes of this, it is amazing to me that her office at least took the time too look into this matter for me. I will keep you posted.
As far as working, I tried to do a couple projects at home this week. Nothing hard. I over did it. My brain is very tired, I realize from this. Physically, the bones in my hands hurt even from using my phone and trying to type.
This disease is definitely not just about the surgery. It is about your entire body, mentally and physically recovering from the excess cortisol.
I have cried a lot the last week and have become really frustrated with the process because the reality hit me even more about the length of recovery. I spoke with my friend who has recovered and she got me through one of my worse days.
Thank you for all of your support. We got a couple of bills in and knowing that we have some financial support has really helped decrease my stress. 
Our friends got together and had a yard sale for us, and another friend is having a jewelry party and donating the proceeds, which has been nice. Another friend, helped clean our house and some have brought us dinner. This is so helpful. I am not able to bend or lift anything without pain.
Mark went back to work the last two days and I realized how much he was helping me. The last two days without him here have been difficult. Even having him bring me my pills, and even blow dry my hair. I am not looking forward to Mark not being here. But I will manage. 
That's all for now. Thank you

PART 9: UPDATE


July 17, 2013
Posted July 18th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

TIME WILL TELL
It is very difficult to be patient as to recovery since this disease is not simply cured. It takes a long time to recover. It took three years to get this point so it will take a long time to fix everything that the cortisol was masking. 
MEETING WITH SPECIALISTS AND DOCTORS
Mark and I met with all of my doctors. The next labwork is at the end of the month. Pretty much everything will be tested. Cortisol, ACTH, CBC, anemia, vitamin D, etc. An MRI will be done in three months. 
LAST TWO WEEKS
Recovery takes at least a year. Monthly testing and reducing the cortisol and having withdrawal symptoms every time we taper down.  They must determine if the pituitary is working now that it has “been on vacation” because of the tumor. 
Mark and I have been going around my neighborhood in the wheelchair and I am getting out of the chair and then walking periodically. I  have been out of the house about three times. I have actually been able to focus and read a book in one day, like I used too. This is a good sign. I only get lightheaded/dizzy when I bend or lift something that I am not supposed too..like my 17 pound cat :)  I am not overdoing it, I really am being very careful I want my recovery to go as well as possible.
Mark said I don't complain at a lot so it's hard to describe my day. Since surgery, my muscles, bones, and joints are way more weak than before, hence the wheelchair. I am beyond ordinary fatigue. Mark said before surgery I would sleep like two hours in the day, now I take naps of like five hours. Going out or performing an activity really tires me out. 
It's hard to really know the difference since this is the second surgery. I thought I was in recovery before and wasn't so I really am confused. I will feel better as we keep testing.
INSURANCE UPDATE
I am still trying to have people sign my petition and the company is going to try and help us with media coverage on this issue. My specialists are willing to help too. So keep getting people to sign if you can. 
Please join this campaign: http://chn.ge/16BXiU7  This was created to fight Blue Shield, we are trying to get signatures.
DISABILITY UPDATE
No information on my appeal at this time. It is all pretty overwhelming trying to get doctors to coordinate, send in all my tests to disability, etc meanwhile trying to recover. 
Any donations are still appreciated, Mark and I have used our entire savings and will be paying off credit card debit from the surgery with the money that everyone has donated. So thank you all for everyone.
Sincerely,
Michelle and Mark

PART 8: DETAILS OF SECOND SURGERY


SURGERY AND POST OP
Posted July 8th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

ONE WEEK POST OPERATION
 It is now one week and two days post operation. I promised everyone I would write about surgery and what happened during those first few days. My head hurt so bad I could not look at the computer or my phone.  I have slept almost the entire day. It is even difficult to remember all the details of last week.
 DAY OF SURGERY
The morning of surgery we arrived at St. John’s very early.  I was pretty nervous, all the nervousness from the first surgery came back to me that morning. And all the disappointment as well.  I don’t think Mark or I slept at all that night.
This time, we met the anesthesiologist, he was very nice. He explained to me that at the end of the operation I would wake up on the operating table, on purpose, and not to worry, that meant the surgery was complete. Totally different from my first surgery, when I woke up with the breathing tube in my mouth, gauze in my throat, and blood all over my nose, and dizzy from anesthesia.
So the next thing I know, I say goodbye to my family and they wheeled me into surgery. This is where I can’t remember if I was placed on operating table and given anesthesia. This means they did a good job. Probably better not to remember.
First thing I remember, WAKING UP on operating table just like I was supposed too. The doctor spoke to me and told me surgery was complete. Now this is personal, but I will share it. I told the doctor I had to go to the bathroom right then. I heard someone laugh. It was a good sign I was okay.
 WAKING UP IN ICU –COULD NOT MOVE MY ARMS AND LEGS
I was awake and I could talk but I could not lift my arms and legs. I remember my mom being there and telling her, I can’t lift my arms and legs. I felt my tongue go numb. It scared me. A friend who is recovering told me this might happen so I tried to remain calm.
I don’t know how much time passed when I woke up and could lift my arms and legs. It was a relief though. I am told the surgery took about 3 and a half hours. Probably harder on my family waiting to hear than me sound asleep being operated on. 
I have no idea who came in to see me first but I remember being told surgery went well. Many of my friends and family members came in two at a time into ICU and saw me. I was very much awake.  The doctor told me it was the adrenaline from all the cortisol in my body.  I felt really good while everyone was visiting, then after awhile I just became completely exhausted, mentally and physically.
WAITING FOR CORTISOL TEST RESULTS
That night, Mark and I were of course happy that I was alive and made it through such a surgery a second time.  However, the worry that surgery was not a success as far as Cushing’s Disease itself was the bigger fear.  We had to wait until the next morning sometime to hear the results and pray the cortisol was low.  The thing about Cushing’s Disease for success, you need a successful surgery, low cortisol results the day after, and months of testing after surgery to have a more conclusive answer. It is very difficult being patient and waiting for all the results. An instant “cure” is not the answer for this disease.
So that first night, Mark and I talked about all the signs we had learned to look for that surgery was a success. It is crazy to think we were hoping my cortisol would drop so low that I would be physically sick, nausea, fatigue, etc. There is something called diabetes insipidus, where you urinate too much. Patients can get this as well when there is success.  Who would have thought we would be waiting for me to have problems, right?
 WHEN THE CORTISOL DROPPED
A friend described her experience to me, and that is how I believe I felt this happen. I felt nausea, lightheaded, fatigue, weakness in upper body and lower body. I thought this lasted all day. Mark said it was about 3 hours. FELT LIKE FOREVER.
I remember asking for pain and nausea medication. I remember a general feeling like I was dying, like my life was draining out of me, all of my energy and then waking up and feeling ok. This was Thursday morning.
 HEARING THE NEWS THAT CORTISOL WAS LESS THAN ZERO
That Thursday morning, the doctor’s assistant came in and told us my cortisol had dropped to 1, the ideal was 3.  We were very happy. We told my mom and I called my sister and told her as well.
That day I wasn’t allowed any visitors in ICU because the day before it had wore me out. The nurse told me I had to remember I was in ICU for a reason.
The only thing I could think of was, I better get out of ICU or it will cost me another $5000.00 to stay here. Hope this makes everyone laugh.   I was fine not having visitors because my goal was to be moved into a PCU room, a step down from ICU because I wanted to see my nieces.
I was moved on Thursday night to PCU by about 6:00p.m., and if you all know my family this was not without a good dramatic story to make sure I was put in the room. It worked out well, I got to see Kylee and Kaitlyn. They took turns sitting on the edge of my bed talking to me.
This is why we had the surgery. So much of my life had been taken away by this disease and the first failed surgery.
DISCHARGED ON FRIDAY
It was amazing to me to think on Thursday that I would be discharged the next day.  And I was. I was wheeled out and put in my car.  By Friday morning, most of my symptoms had subsided.
I was placed on cortisol before leaving the hospital.  It is ironic that you have to be on cortisol after surgery when you had too much before surgery. Lol.
Mark brought me home and had me rest.
 TAPERING DOWN THE DOSE OF CORTISOL
So this last week and weekend I had to lower the dose of cortisol.  This experience from what I am told if analogous to a person who has been on drugs and is having drug withdrawals. So every time I lower my dosage I can expect to have a lot of these symptoms. Headaches, cold sweats, fever, nausea(but not vomiting, if so, then we have to go to ER), muscle weakness, etc. You get the picture.
 HEARING THE NEWS THAT SURGERY WAS A SUCCESS
Before I end, the surgeons in the hospital told me what a success the surgery was. I told one of the surgeons I just can’t believe it. And he said, it’s ok you can believe it.  Even in my post op appointment my doctor told me to believe it.
I am still having a difficult time believing that I am on the road to recovery. Mentally, from what happened with the first surgery, it scares me to place any faith in my doctors now. This surgery was way better than the first with this team. My brain knows this,  but in my heart I am still scared of failure.  I am afraid to be happy that they are saying it is successful. We met with my endocrinologist and it will take months of testing to determine if pituitary is working.
TREATMENT PLAN
Everyone keeps asking what is the treatment plan. Well as you all know by now, each case is different. The treatment is to have an endocrinologist along with my surgeons perform regular testing for 6 month to 18 months. They must determine if the pituitary is working now that it has “been on vacation” because of the tumor. 
One of the reasons why everyone contributions have been so helpful is also because of the aftercare of this disease.  Not only have you all helped me to finally have this surgery, the cost of some of the follow ups were included in the out of pocket we have paid already.
No expenses that we incur are paid for by insurance if we use the specialists.  I am trying to coordinate my after care with my local endocrinologist to make sure we follow the treatment plan and protocol that the other recovering patients have followed with the specialist. 
If my local doctor conflicts with the specialist we will take the advice of the specialist in Cushing’s Disease no matter what. We have not come this far in this fight against the disease and health insurance even if it does cost more out of pocket.  You can not put a price tag on your health.
And with all of your support we have made it this far. I look forward to updating you as we go along this month.
Today, Mark took me in a wheelchair around the neighborhood, and I got up and walked every now and then. I am allowed to walk right now, but my muscles give out on me after a certain amount of time. I will just do a little bit each day and will just progress. For next 3 weeks, no driving, no exercise. We see doctor again tomorrow for a post operation visit.
 That sums up the whole process for you. Thank you for your emotional support during this time. Some of you I don’t even know and some I have not seen in years. I want to share this journey with people who do not know about Cushing’s disease to help others understand how there are rare diseases out there that people need to know about.  Research and financial support for these rare diseases are really important for people.









PART 7: ONE WEEK AFTER SECOND SURGERY


After Surgery
Posted July 3rd, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

This is Michelle. I am home. This is my first time on computer. I am laying down.
I will try and nutshell what has happened for everyone before my headache kicks back in.
We were discharged on Friday. I was put on cortisol replacement. I just weaned down over the last two days on the cortisol. We had two follow ups and labs this week. And a follow up on Monday.
BEST PART: The day after surgery they checked my cortisol levels three times and each time it was lower than 1, ideal is 3. This is indicative of remission/cure. All of your prayers and support got me to this point.  The doctors say the worse I feel the better because all of the cortisol has been high in my body for so long. Coming down off cortisol i like a person withdrawing from drugs. That is the analogy people use. The last two days I have had the headaches, nights sweats, chills, nausea, achy muscles, bones and joints.
So all of the withdrawals symptoms will continue, I will have good and bad days.
I have not had time to process everything in my mind. I just wanted to get this out there so everyone knows I am okay. I plan on sharing the whole experience with you on surgery day and what it felt like to hear the news, etc.
Mark has been with me most of the time, I can't be left alone. I have had a couple friends visit at house which has been nice. I am supposed to rest the next two weeks.

OUT OF SURGERY UPDATE


Michelle out of Surgery
Posted June 26th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

Hi Everybody,
It's 11:30 AM, PST in Santa Monica.  Michelle just made it out of surgery.  I haven't been allowed to see her yet in Post-Op, but I should be able to soon.
The surgeon believes that they got the entire tumor.  Hopefully we will see her cortisol levels dip sharply in the next 24 hours.  That is the benchmark we will be waiting for next, and is the best indicator of remission.
Thank you all for your words of support.  The outpouring from friends, family, co-workers, and people we have never met is overwhelming.  You have no idea how much it has helped both Michelle and myself the last few weeks. 
I will post another update tonight to keep everybody informed of what is going on here...thank you everybody...
Mark

PART 7: NIGHT BEFORE SECOND SURGERY


Night Before Surgery
Posted June 25th, 2013 by Mark Ghiassi

Hello Everyone,
Thank you for your kind words and generous donations up to today. This has relieved some of my stress after this week. 
I am finally relaxing tonight and getting my bag packed for the hospital stay.  This is the first time I have had a chance to just sit and type today, so it will be brief. Surgery will take about 3 hours and it starts around 7am. 
Since this is the second surgery, I have mixed emotions. I know how it goes but after meeting with the surgeon yesterday I feel like it is an entirely different process than the first surgery. I feel much better about the techniques this surgeon will be using.  
I am more scared for recovery after surgery and the failure of it. I think because it has taken so long to get to the point of having surgery I am very exhausted mentally. 
I met a friend yesterday who will be having their surgery for the first time and I was able to offer my support to that person and to let them know they will be fine. So by everyone here giving me support, emotionally, I am able to provide someone else with support who needs it. 
Thank you and I will write to all of you after surgery.
Michelle

PART 6: TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE


PART 6: WHY SURGERY IS IMPORTANT
FOUR MONTHS KNOWING EACH DAY TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE
Hearing you are going to die if not treated is difficult to explain. I didn’t really believe it.  But we took it very seriously that day. The reality hit. It felt like life was falling apart for me. During these months I have processed this as much as possible.
There is a choice: you can choose to accept what you have been told or keep fighting for yourself.  My support is from God and has always been. Everyone has their own support system and belief which I believe is valuable to everyone. 
 As you know, I took the path of fighting for myself, but I did not disillusion myself.  I prepared my estate planning during this time.  The first time around I did not have time to even think about all this. The ironic thing is, I have created estate planning for many clients as an attorney, but it is different when you have a life threatening illness and have to think about your own.  Mark would come home and find me crying because I was working on it. I can not imagine how he felt seeing this from me.
Things go through your mind, like "does this person know how much they mean to me", or "how will my husband pay the bills without me." Who will help him.  Who will be there for my nieces, nephews, Godchildren? 
Mark and I are Aunt and Uncle to four children, Kylee, Kaitlyn, David, and Owen.  We are Godparents to Mark's cousin Kim's children, Andrew and Alyssa.  I have been around for each birth.  We have not been able to spend time with my nephews and Godchildren in the passed two years like we would have liked too.  This goes through my mind on a daily basis that I have not been able to go over and help my family with their children. Kylee and Kaitlyn are 10 and 8, the others are all about two yrs. old or less. I want many more memories with all of them. It is thoughts like these that go on during these months of waiting. This is time that can not be given back to me because of this disease and delay with insurance. These are the reasons I am determined to have surgery now.  
It is important to share this with you because as strong as a person can seem on the outside, there is so much more to the situation on a daily basis that you don’t ever hear about from someone in my position. 
I appreciate all of your support and promised to keep you informed and I will do my best. 

PART 5: IMPORTANCE OF SECOND SURGERY/FAILURE OF FIRST SURGERY


PART 5: 2ND SURGERY PART 
Posted June 21st, 2013 by Michelle Ghiassi

PART 5: SECOND SURGERY NECESSITY
Both second opinions said a second surgery was the best option for me. Radiation did not make sense at this time because they have to be able to locate the tumor as well for radiation. Radiation could take several years. It just was not optimal. My best chance at recovery was this second surgery. This is the nutshell version without going into all the reasons. 
HEARING SURGERY FAILED THE FIRST TIME
In March of 2013, in one of the second opinions, the specialist told us I was going to die almost 5 times. It is like, you hear it, but you don’t. The tumor was not removed completely and we should have come to him for the first surgery. This is not the surgeon we are using.
This was the day before we were having our friends come over the next day for a party for a new business that Mark and I had been trying to start. I had been fooling myself into thinking I was recovered or in denial, I don't know.  That night I pretended we did not hear this news. Cushing's had already taken so much from us. 
Mark and I had come so far in the hopes of recovery. This was the first time all of my friends had been around me after surgery and were trying to show their support.  Inside I was crying because I knew this disease was not over. I couldn't bare to tell them that night. 
 MEETING SECOND SURGEON FOR SECOND SURGERY
THAT NEXT WEEK, I was online with my Cushing’s support group and posted about what was happening. Very shortly, I received a telephone call from one of my friends on there. This was the middle of the day. She told who she went to for surgery in Santa Monica, why to go, and what to do.
DRIVING ON MY OWN TO THE SPECIALIST
This friend made me get in my car and take my file all the way to Santa Monica for the specialist to review that day. Like I told you, Mark and I did not have enough knowledge on my disease during the first process.  These are the moments when you realize how strong you really are or not. With her strength as a friend pushing me, I did it. I think she was my angel sent because I had been so depressed after the party and was at a loss.
She had me call her and tell her I did it.  I was blessed by her call.  This is how we came to where we are at with this surgeon.  We liked him instantly and felt confident with him. It is so important to trust and research.
 Since then I have met two patients who have recovered from this Center and have given me hope about recovery. I wanted to share this because everyone is being supportive.  I try to remain positive and keep my eye on the goal! Recovery/Remission whatever you want to call it.
 FOUR MONTHS FIGHTING FOR SURGEON
I switched endocrinologists during this time and he and all my other doctors were on board with going to this specialist.  I have already told the insurance battle so I do not have to write about it again. YOU ALL KNOW WHERE THAT STANDS.
HEALTH PROBLEMS DURING FOUR MONTHS
I have endured being anemic, having iv of iron, having a allergic reaction to the iron during the infusions. I have been through muscle/nerve testing. I have had a colonoscopy and endoscopy.  And various other issues.  The body can only take so much.  The day my anemia was bad I thought I was going to die I could not breathe, walk right, focus. It was awful. Mark and I were scared. It is moments like these which made us realize this surgery needed to happen no matter what.